I'm sitting here almost to the point of tears. I feel as though I have no one. Sure, I have my parents and my children and my husband. But as far as a real true friend, I don't feel like I have that. I feel like some of the "friends" that I do have just use me and of course I let them because I want to be liked. Which is really pathetic. And then I have a few other friends that just live too far away. It's not an easy trip over to see them or just to hang out.
I honestly feel like I have no one to turn to. No shoulder to cry on. No one to vent with or giggle with over stupidness. I feel like I've only had 2 real "Best Friends" in my life. One absolutely hates me. We both took two different paths and these paths will never again meet. The other has her own life with her own child. She lives far away from me and it's never easy to just "meet up".
I say this now because I recently learned that Mr. M's grandmother had, what they thought, to be a stroke. She couldn't speak and she couldn't put names to faces, she was also very confused. After a CAT scan and a MRI, they learned that she did not actually have a stroke. But does have fluid collection in between the lung and the chest wall. Could mean she has congestive heart failure. Which I guess is how her mother died as well. With the same exact symptoms.
She is slowly putting names to faces and having more conversations. At times her conversations don't make sense. She'll say random statements or make rude comments. Which has never been her type of behavior.
I neglected to mention that this woman also had bone cancer for the last few years, as well as chronic diarrhea for the last year. Not to mention, her husband treats her like complete shit and thinks he deserves to be waited on hand and foot by her. He tells her on a daily basis how no good she is. And he actually expects Gram to get out of the hospital in the next couple days so she can come home and take care of him. Just completely insane. And really, what is she going to do? The woman is 80 something years old. She just grins and bares it.
This woman is an absolute saint. She has to be THE sweetest, kindest, most genuine person I have ever met. Which makes this whole thing just a shit ton worse. My children think the world of her. And to actually sit here and think that I could very soon quite possibly be telling them that she has passed just sickens me. I don't even know how I would start that conversation. I can only imagine the hurt on M's face. Grammy and M are very close.
This hurts me the worst. Having to tell me children. Of course it is very sad to me but I actually understand death where these 2 six and three year olds do not.
I'm starting to calm down right about now and my favorite show, Ghost Hunters will be on in 7 minutes. So I'm going to try to relax in bed and destress.