I wish I could just get my head straight.

I miss my husband. At first when he started this second job we were just going through the infidelity that I confessed to. We have really worked through it, I think. Yes, he still has A LOT of trouble trusting me, which is so understandable and I'm still super defensive because I know I'm doing better. But we love each other and we face each day choosing to be together and choosing to make this work. We have 3 beautiful little girls that depend on us. And I would hate to be one of those couples that stay together for the children. But we're not. I know without a doubt he would be out the door right now if we didn't have our children, our family. But we do have a family. And there is love between us. He understands me, more than I understand myself at times. I always think he deserves so much more from a wife than I give him. Someone who appreciates every little thing he does but doesn't say. I wish I was the type of person that didn't need constant reassurance. I wish I didn't need approval or acceptance. I wish I just knew that he loved me and that was the end of it. And to a certain degree, after this whole episode, I can see that. If he didn't truly love me, he would have left, regardless of our children or not. He would have left.
This blog is a whole bunch of rambling of sentences that don't even make sense except in my head. But it still feels good to get it out. The point of this whole entry is to express my love for my husband. My best friend. The person who puts up with my crap the most. My love is real. Has always been real and I wish I could just get my head straight.